Words and change

Get out of the "I HATE THIS... but I know this" doom loop

I was talking to someone the other night about change- I was trying to provide them with some perspectives on making positive changes in life as they want to try and change their life situation.

In the past ten years I’ve made a lot of changes in mine, surprising changes- changes that have taken me to new places(both metaphorical and physical places) that I’d never thought I’d be in if you would have told me about them ten years ago.

So if you are an adult and not where you want to be in life, and what you have been trying to do to try and break out has not been working here’s a relevant quote by Tony Robbins .

If you do what you’ve always done you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.

Thats such a great quote tho-

So if you’re not getting where or what you want you need to change some shit son.

For example- in my own experience I had spent about 14 years pursuing filmmaking and being a filmmaker primarily.

It was my identity, it was my life- I had gained some recognition in it and at the time I identified primarily as a filmmaker- it was my whole world.

I thought about learning programming or learning game development a few times and started to pursue it but I would always get scared of the new discomfort and of being a “beginner” again- so I would quit the new pursuit be a coward and run back to filmmaking- yeh my films would “fail” but at least I was comfortable with this failure- a loser attitude.

In that time space I couldn’t imagine being or doing anything else as my “main thing”.

Now back in 2014 filmmaking had become a dead end for me. This was mostly my own doing as I had my opportunity to “go Hollywood” way back when but I turned it down for idealogical reasons, I don’t regret that decision btw.

Anyway- it was 2014 and my “career” was going nowhere- I had just gotten married in 2013 and I needed to change some shit or else I would let myself down, my wife down, my family down and my wife’s family down- I just couldn’t do that without a fight.

My comfortable choice would be to keep making films and hope the financial outcomes would miraculously improve. I could have kept doing that but my life would have not have changed in a positive way- but it was comfortable because that’s what I knew- I had become comfortable with the disappointment as well.

After making some big project and having it fall flat on its face again my feeling was “I HATE THIS… but I know this” so it was depressing to fail again but the failure was comfortable.

I hated it because it was a disappointment but it was a disappointment I was comfortable with because I knew it, I was comfortable in this cycle of disappointment.

So when I was talking to this friend I kept telling him “you have to be uncomfortable” because if you are not uncomfortable you are not learning or growing and if you’re not learning or growing you are not going to change your situation for the better.

So I told this friend you can’t avoid the discomfort but “I HATE THIS… but I DON’T know this” is better than “I HATE THIS… but I know this”

If its new discomfort this means you are doing something new and through doing these new things you could actually find a way to succeed as you are not just doing what you’ve always done thats lead you nowhere.

Luck is always a factor but if you are doing what you’ve always done thats failed and/or you are in the “I HATE THIS… but I know this” loop LUCK is your only hope out of it, and yeah the odds are next to impossible.

Its like with money and investing- say someone doesn’t invest their money in hopes to grow it but instead just buys lottery/lotto tickets. They don’t ever win big enough to change their life so they feel the “I HATE THIS… but I know this” each week.

Instead if they were to learn about finance/investing and start investing they would feel the “I HATE THIS… but I don’t know this” which could actually lead them to some positive change.

Also you have to be open to surprising yourself- we have these inner narratives where we say “I could never do X” or “I can’t see myself ever being a Y” this is just fear talking- this is just “I HATE THIS… but I know this” cowardice rearing its head trying to drag you back down into the nowhere.

There is no easy way out as you HAVE to be uncomfortable BUT you’re going to be uncomfortable anyway if you keep failing with the “I HATE THIS… but I know this” attitude with no real hope of getting out of it.

So stop being a complete coward and embrace the discomfort and pain as part of the process BUT know this new discomfort and pain could lead you out of the doom loop of depression and disappointment.

Ten years ago I never imagined or thought I would actually become a programmer, a game developer, an owner of several business that I manage and an investor bro.

In 2014 I had just finished this film

I knew nothing about programming, game development, starting and running a business or finance.

BUT I allowed myself to surprise myself and it lead me down a hopeful path full of opportunity.

So from 2014 - 2021 I was learning and growing in these new spaces and then in 2021 I came back to filmmaking with new skills, knowledge and freedom that I got from exploring new uncomfortable areas.

In 2021 I made this film…

So I still feel like a filmmaker but I’m also all these other things and it all feels right.

I had to let go of filmmaking for some years to learn these new things but I was lucky enough to come back to it and now I can program my own crowd simulations and other things so it has made me a better filmmaker. I released an interactive film version of M doll on Steam as well.

So yeah, I’m not selling a course of how to blah blah blah- just sharing some thoughts I hope will be helpful to the friend I was talking to the other night and maybe to you as well?

I’m just saying its never too late to learn new things- to take off on a new path- its not going to be easy but if you really want some positive change in your life you have to go through some NEW discomfort.

You could also take a doomer approach like “well I’m going to fail anyway I might as well experience new forms of failure” haha. Tho as long as you’re trying new things you actually have a chance to make it and doomer you could transform into bloomer you.

You are going to have failures even when trying new things BUT be proud of yourself that you are trying new things and KNOW that trying these new things CAN lead you out of the life you’re currently in.

It won’t come easy but carry some hope knowing you are moving in the right direction- the direction of new discomfort that can help you find your own personal path of success.

12-25-23

M dot Strange from Reykjavik ICELAND