The Powerless cycle
Working on Heart String Marionette has been less of a technical/creative challenge and more of a psychological challenge for me... I used to think I was patient because I had done some stop motion animation... now that requires patience YES but you are still very active capturing frame after frame... you're constantly working... things are moving...
Now with the situation where HSM is now... wherein I finished all my major work on the film in February of last year and had to wait to receive chunks of music which I would then edit the film to and do the sound design/foley for it then wait for the next piece... so as far as HSM goes I spent %75 of 2011 waiting... instead of doing nothing I worked on other projects...
Now its 2012 and with HSM I'm still waiting... in 2011 I kept trying to press forward... pushing in hopes to finish it all soon... Being an uberector and all I'm used to being in control... but now HSM is out of my control... its in Endika's hands...
A strange thing happened once I said to myself "Well there's nothing I can do now as it's not up to me"... I didn't say this until I got back from my break about a week ago... once I said that to myself I felt powerless... it was new to me... to feel powerless on a creative project... I'm sure people feel it all the time on their projects... since I control everything on my projects I never felt it before... wow it SUCKS...
To feel powerless is not inspiring...when your not inspired and feel powerless you start to lose confidence… and when you dont have confidence you don't believe in yourself… when you don't believe in yourself you give up really easily… when you give up easily you never finish anything... and when you never finish anything you feel worthless and POWERLESS and the cycle continues... I can see that with this cycle its easy to fall into depression...
So how do you get yourself out of the cycle?
Well I said to myself... since HSM is out of my hands I'll continue work on a new big project! BUT as I learned jumping right into a big project when you feel powerless doesn't work so well as you'll just be like "Whatever I never even finished the other one?! So this one will never get done either?!" What a mental clusterfuck eh?!
So the way I'm going to find my way out of it is just to get back to the basics... don't even think about completing big projects right now... just draw some things...model some things... do some experiments in 3d with new techniques... write some story concepts/ideas... allow the flames of inspiration to spark up on their own... and when they do jump back into work and NEVER STOP AGAIN haha
Gotta stay sharp! I made a Badassery episode December 13th...took a month break... came back to find out that HSM was not done so I feel like a powerless failure haha... I'LL NEVER TAKE ANOTHER BREAK AGAIN! OR umm I'll make films WITH A BUDGET so we can pay people and GET SHIT DONE ASAP!
Brought to you by professional weirdo M dot Strange.