How serious?

I'd like to think that I'm very serious about what I do... it is the #1 priority in my life... but even I slip sometimes... I think I am VERY lucky that I get to do what I do... There have been a few instances in the past few years where I can see my own destruction... I am a very extreme and.... well.... I'm a fucking maniac some times... but I just want to let you know... I do what I do for you...

I cherish the sincere and heartfelt emails I get when people tell me about what my work means to them... All them years of training and dedication I have put in... but I've realized all the hard work I've done can be lost in a single moment of stupidity...

To change my ways I have to stop hiding it...

When the WATS DVD's were first made in late 2007 I had just come back from Europe and my first night back I went out with some d00ds I just met and got all stupid macho and drank straight whiskey for 4 hours at this bar.... I don't know how I got home but I woke up on the floor in a pool of vomit and WATS DVD's... at that moment it was pretty clear... it's happened a few times since then... this stupid behavior can cause me to waste all my hard work... it can all be thrown away in one moment... It will cause me to fail and let everyone down...

Last year I was invited as a guest to the Berlin talent campus... the last night I got wasted.... thrown out of a restaurant and crashed this Berlinale party and I was acting like a thug, pushing people around... until I woke up in a strange place with no memory... I broke my laptop and lost my passport... luckily a nice person was watching over me and found my passport... and luckily they looked past my horrible behavior and invited me back the next year

Last year in Slovakia I did the same thing... I got all stupid macho drinking with these Slovakian guys... lost laptop and passport and woke up in a strange place with no memory... AGAIN luckily someone was watching over me and found my laptop and passport...

I used to think I was like so clever for killing myself working so hard on films and the like then going off and getting wasted like a maniac, hurting myself and others around me... I thought I had learned my lessons already...I've had so many chances and still i haven't changed...

So this morning I woke up in a strange place with no memory...in a pool of vomit... Pretty pathetic I know... I guess I feel obligated to post this because I omit a lot of negative aspects of what I do...but I am a real person and I make mistakes like everyone else does...

Working alone on a huge task like animated feature films does take a toll on you... but instead of facing up to the fear I had to drink like a coward to deal with it... using it like a crutch... I have no excuses but I don't want any...

Well now I want to show a new dedication to my art and I want to show that I can be a stronger person too... So no more crutch for me... I will deal with the fear straight on and sober from now on.

Early on one of the tag lines for WATS was "To fight a monster do you need to become a monster yourself?" I'm changing my answer now...Brought to you by professional weirdo M dot Strange.