Deep Focus
As I'm always afraid of losing focus and getting behind on my film work I tend to like focus too hard for too long which like beats on your mind and body... I went to the hospital this week for the first time in ten years as I was feeling fail and the bags under my eyes were getting worse instead of better... I did tests and all that but haven't heard back from the Dr. d00d yet even though I got the test results emailed too me... most everything seems pretty normal to my undoctored eyes... but yeah since most all of the people I've come across in my life who wanted to make they own films usually lost focus or got caught in other stuff I'm like paranoid about doing that myself.... so I focus too hard for too long... I overcompensate...lest I become the thing I fear even when by now I know I can focus haha.....when I go to sleep the last thing I do is make sure all the computers are rendering and the first thing I do is check render progress 0_0 I dont go out much and I dont talk to people in the real world much either when working...
Its like in this process I'm a marionette controlled by the film and the computers... thats why I'm trying to do it as fast as possible because I know its not healthy for a HUMAN... Having said that the film is coming out awesome...like way beyond my expectations... seems the only failing factor is me haha... So I'm going to make a conscious effort to NOT focus for at least an hour a day lest I not die animating and shet...
Making my films IS MY LIFE... when I'm not working in some way I feel like I have no purpose in life... I mean I felt like that for a long time... until probably the past few years when there was a glimmer of hope that maybe I'd be able to make a career out of making films... now for what I lack in income I make up with passion... burning my own soul as fuel instead of burning cash for cinematic propulsion... thats pretty dramatic eh? ^ ^
When working this week I've been listening to this great podcast for animators called the Spline cast its made by some Pixar animators and they interview their coworkers... it sounds great to work with such talented teams of motivated creative people so you don't have to kill yourself to get a film made haha... I wonder if Pixar would ever make a film with a goal to make people die inside? hahaBrought to you by professional weirdo M dot Strange.