Knowing that you’re born alone and that you will have to die alone gives you a certain perspective on things- YOU are the one that has to live with your decisions- there’s no redo- there is no “do-over”- there’s no one that is going to be there to save you, to help you- so make your decisions for YOUR OWN LIFE wisely
If you haven’t seen Todd Solondz’s “DarkHorse” check it out- there’s a great scene near the end where a guy has a “receipt” for his life mistakes(excuses) and a character tells him something like “everyone has a receipt but it never adds up”
I hate excuses.
I’ve always felt like an outsider, I’ve always felt like an outcast so I can’t be pressured by the crowd like most people- I don’t want to “fit in”- I don’t want to CONFORM- I don’t strive to be *accepted* by the crowd- I don’t strive to be “famous”- I don’t seek the acceptance of the masses or the rich/famous/”powerful” of this world- I’m playing a different game-
I don’t trust “authorities”, I don’t blindly trust family, friends, celebrities, influencers etc- I make my own decisions because I know that I have to live with my decisions-
When I had the experiences of being “abducted by aliens” no one could help me, it was terrifying- what appeared to be happening to me was out of this world so no one of this world could help me anyway- I had to get myself out of it and I eventually did, or so it seemed-
I guess those experiences reinforced trusting and relying upon yourself instead of others-
My favorite Jimi Hendrix song is “Axis Bold as Love” as this lyric has always stayed with me
“I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.”
That lyric always said to me- I have to live with my decisions so I should be making my own decisions- no one is going to come and fix my mistakes or save me because I do what they say or do what they do-
I stopped going to school full time in grade 4- for several years EVERYONE tried to pressure me into going back to school- family, doctors, police, teachers etc- but I resisted and resisted until they all eventually gave up- I outlasted them-
So I know that it is possible to resist and outlast the pressure from the crowd- the crowd was acting on what they *thought* in their conforming minds was the right thing to do- I was resisting with what I *felt* in my SOUL back then-
Looking back my resistance to the California public school system was one of the best decisions I’ve made-
Being immune to the *opinion* of the crowd is like a super power- you can do things like public speaking no problem if you don’t fear the *opinion* of the crowd-
Anyhow- I’m just rambling about shit- been vacationing too much- time to get back to some serious work…
That man will return when he’s needed by the strange few.
He’s a cellular weapon son.
At this point in my life I really do believe in a higher power, something which gives our lives meaning, purpose, strength, and guidance for whenever we need it the most. Otherwise I don’t know how else it is that whenever I hit rock bottom you somehow release something with exactly what it is I need to hear, and through it I am able to march on ahead, ready to face the day with spirits renewed. All I can say is thank you for all the years of guidance and life lessons which I’ve used to get through some of the toughest times in my life, including now. Again, thank you, and remember, even when it feels like you’re speaking out into a void where nothing but ignorance and madness persists, that there is always someone listening. Taking note, studying, persisting…